Fruity!

Rachel: Have I ever told you of my ambitions to work for Planned Parenthood?
Me: I think you might have briefly mentioned it once.
Rachel: It's not really an ambition...
Me: ...
Rachel: ....I just want to put condoms on bananas.

But I Can See Russia From My House

Rachel: Stupidity isn't geographic.

An Easy Mistake

(watching a movie)

Dad: (sigh) You're thinkin' with the wrong head there, boy!

¿Cómo se dice 'Justice League'?

(working on a worksheet in Spanish class)

Nick: Is this asking who I was as a child?
Me: ...it says 'what were you like?'
Nick: I would prefer that it asked who I was as a child.
Me: Who were you as a child?
Nick: Wonder Woman.

Well, I Feel Ready For The AP Exam

Ms. Chasey: The pituitary gland can say HEY! Let's grow some facial hair 0r HEY! Let's ovulate! Whatever it feels like that day.